Let's talk about the Black Swan. In before that movie gets released and this becomes all ~famous. Bitch pls btw.
To some extent, Swan Lake is easy to snark, it can be said. Because it's so precise and technical that it's easy to see when it goes wrong. Oh but the beauty ensues when it *is* perfect technically and hideous everywhere else.... It should also be said that SW is really boring.
So much that I once fell asleep watching a video of it. True story. But it's still snarky.

GILLIAN MURPHY - AMERICAN BALLET THEATRE


Haters to the left. This bitch is one of the fiercest Odiles and one of the most sublimes Odettes of our generation.
Oh man, she is so mean, so evil and so full of mischief. This is by far the best of her qualities for Swan Lake. Gillian uses her technique as a tool to be this evil bitch. And it is delicious. On the side, Gillian has the best upper body of most Swan Laker's these days. From her waist to her wrists she's so alive that I bet Paloma Herrera has nightmares featuring her.

SVETLANA ZAKHAROVA - KIROV BALLET


Oh hai gurl, we meet again.
Lol on youtube people are fighting about her passe not being open enough. HEATHUS FUCKING CHRIST. WHO CAN SEE HER PASSE INSTEAD OF BEING DISTRACTED BY HOW BORING SHE IS OMG. Julie Kent does the barre with more interest than this bitch's interest in this variation. For fuck's sake, Tamara Rojo walks with more attitude! And I could snark about things Gillian Murphy does with more interest but they would involve Ethan Steifel and that may be inappropriate. Look, I don't give a fuck if you can put your foot next to your ear in developpé, if you can't be on time with the music, or engage the audience in something other than your extensions then you really don't need to show that off. I continue to be baffled by her, tbh. And worst, by all the kids on youtube thinking she's perfection. Odette is not about extensions, it's about mischief and seduction and evilness. This is not seductive, it's boring. I died. Omg make it stop.
It's funny though that she actually happens to do a decent job during the PDD but here she dies again. You're a boring ass gurl. A boring ass with great extensions but still boring. Moving on.

MARIANELA NUNEZ AKA HBIC AKA BOW THE FUCK DOWN TO THIS BITCH - ROYAL BALLET


Where does the Royal Ballet find these women? What do they feed them?
I remember Marianela when she was a soloist. And I agonized for her to become a principal because Good God! Bitch is perfection!
She's like brb showing you all how it's done. There's something about her, the way she makes a movement become the next one and then that one becomes the next one. And this is hard to achieve with Petipa and especially with Swan Lake because it is so precise it's almost mechanic. But she does it. Quite flawlessly too. The Royal Ballet is the future. dealwithit.gif


WHITNEY JENSEN - BOSTON BALLET


Now she's Boston Ballet. Back then this was YAGP. You'd think wtf is she doing up there? Well there is no full video of Polina dancing this and so few dancers do this variation. It's pretty easy to see why though. Because it's a little bit out of tune with the PDD and it's much harder and it's much sexier.
That being said, look at this GQMF bitch. It's not even about how hot and awesome her pirouettes are, it's about how she performs them at such ease and so into her character. It's be easy to see why Seigfried ends up so dazzled. Because this is the variation of a HBIC. It's so complex and fast and sexy. Honestly, it's awesome. But yeah it doesn't fit the rest of Swan Lake. For this to be in the ballet, would mean something actually appealing (other than Angel Corella in tights) is on this ballet. God forbid.


OH WAIT I LIED POLINA SEMIONOVA AKA YOU JUST DIED.


It starts at 1:35.
IDK I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS BITCH AND HOW FLAWLESS SHE IS FOR DAYS BUT OMG DOES THAT DANCING NEED ANY FURTHER EXPLANATION? ALSO MY BREAK IS OVER AND I HAVE TO GO BACK TO MY JJVERSE'ING.

Oh God I hate this variation. I have absolutely no love for it. Yes, maybe it is in great reason, due to the fact that it is so overrated and overperformed in every single goddamned competition across the world. Or maybe it's the fact that the music is borderline annoying and that after a while, you feel that if you've seen one red tutu you've seen them all. Maybe it's cause it's so boring and dull and anticlimatic compared to the other Kitri variations.

But oh God. I am doing this while being slightly tempted to just watch Cloverfield on tv. True story.

Let's start with something nice to snark talk about.
Let me start this off by saying, I am biased. I hate Paloma Herrera. She started a movement of overrated 19 year olds becoming principal dancers of major companies, dancing their asses off way below the artistic standard of aged, more mature artists. And she is a poor dancer. Feel free to disagree, but she is. She has very poor control of her line, which btw, is not even pretty. She has one of the most awful upper bodies around, with such poor musicality all around that I just find it unbelievable that she was made a principal at such a young age.

Random/Funny fact: On Wiseman's Ballet, there is this moment when they are doing class and Paloma is standing behind miss gorgeous Julie Kent herself... the contrast between them is delicious.

So anyway,

Paloma Herrera - ABT


Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

That's all.
WAIT WAIT NO. WTF THOSE ARMS OH GOOD GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR AAAAAAARMS?


For a change: Here's a hot, hot bitch

Cinthia Harvey - ABT


This is my choice for favorite Don Q performance, hands down. Cinthia and Misha have a chemistry onstage that is to die for and the whole production is fabulous. All of that aside, this is a hot bitch who knows her craft. And still this is underwhelming. She's supposed to be overjoyed and play her flirty hot, pretty self... But even with a dancer the size of Cinthia, it doesn't happen. She made me think something though, a certain overshadowing of Kitri takes place in this act. Because before she's all this fierce and killer and hot and borderline bitchy. And then she marries him and she becomes... this. :/


Svetlana Zakharova - Maya Plisetskaya Gala


Don't even get me started on how this version is even worst than the last one. What the fuck is she even doing in this? What the fuck? Nothing is what she's doing. It has none, absolutely NONE of the spice of the first act. There is nothing to it, it's a snore fest, it's dull and boring and it underplays the music so badly that it's weep inducing. Which is not to mention she dances it like it's a compulsory gymnastics exercise instead of an art piece :/ way to go.

Natalia Osipova - Moscow Competition


GET IT GIRL!
Oh God, she does a fantastic job, she kills it. She OWNS it! It's delicious and envy inducing. Notice at her mischief and the precision of her arms. How her echappés are almost violent with precision and how she hardly fans herself. Bitch doesn't need no fanning. lol. This is how a kid dances this, take notes, Paloma. On the side, her dress is gorgeous.

Tamara Rojo - Royal Ballet


Tamara... why? I love how her face is so, so very spot on. But the rest of her isn't really. And once again, it's just how it's done. The piece is not interesting, it's not amusing, it doesn't have great music. It has to be a testament to the quality of a piece when a dancer like Tamara or Cinthia just can't pull it off to being something great. It isn't something great. Tamara is adorable and flirty and spot on. But this is still boring and foggy. Besides, bad lighting and even worse camera work does NOT help.

Let me now end this with a historical note

Gelsey Kirkland - Live at Wolftrap


Everybody knowsIt is often assumed that he did it on purpose because it is of common knowledge that things were shitty between them at the time. That he made sure to be on his absolute best - which... he is - while she would be at a new low, so he could crash her like a bug and have it on video for all eternity. How much of that is true, well we may never know, but the fact is he pretty much does crash her.
Gelsey dances herself out at a newfound, sad and depressing low here. It gives me second hand embarrassment to see her trying to jump, completely unable to lift herself off the air. It's sad, because at some point that was one of the best dancers around. Im pretty sure she did a lot better on her good days. But sadly for her, this is the one going into history. Sucks to b u.


Oh fuck, now youtube's gonna rec me Don Q stuff for a month D:

Next times I will do Don Q, I'll do the male variation of this act and ironically, one of my all time favorite variations: Kitri's challenge variation from act 1.